The campaign against Loneliness

So you're lonely, probably why you've got time to read this, but don't let your isolation bring you down into oceans of tears. Loneliness is a gift that frees you from the shitty demands of other people. Embrace it, for there will be times when you desperately crave it and it will be denied you, like if you get married, or end up in prison, (a similar fate).

If there are, though, occasions when you do long for the company of another oxygen stealing life form, here's some things to consider.

Firstly, are you really lonely?

You may think you have no friends, and yet you have over 1000 facebook friends, and 100's of telephone numbers. Well, don't be stubborn bunny, waiting for them to pop their head down your

warren. Ring them, visit them, arrange things.

As we get older, people's lives get busier and they get lazier, content to sit inside their houses and vegetate, exhausted by the capitalist, cogged machine. Social occasions may have to be arranged weeks in advance, just to schedule in with the new series of Game of Thrones.

Also, people's interests change, pubs and clubs are not for everyone. Some are quite pleased that adulthood means they no longer feel forced into social occasions just to supplicate the ferocious group mentality.

Try being more creative in your social activities. If you are inviting them out to the same pub they've been to a thousand times, they are more likely to politely decline, or lie and say their mother is visiting, so they can spend the evening watching the female volleyball finals. Sex will motivate a great many choices.

Instead pitch to them something more exciting; a monster truck rally, a football match, rolling skating or things they may enjoy like an all male sauna.

You can't complain that you feel lonely if you're unwilling to put in effort with your friends. Relationships, like house plants require nurturing, and water, and plant food, and the occasional trimming of their leaves.

Why you are lonely?

The reasons for this could be varied. You could be absolute cunt and not be aware of it. Try and take time to look at yourself in the mirror, not to much though if you're a narcissist, for this won't help matters.

Do you irritate people? Is your sense of humour at odds with people around you? Are you prone to pontificating your opinions on the government, dismissing opinions of others with a waft of your hand, like a complete bell end?

Things like these won't do you much favours. While you want to be yourself around your friends, there are probably occasions when a bit of diplomacy wouldn't be a bad thing.

This can include moaning. Of course you want to be able to share things with your friends, your concerns, your worries, but no one wants to be stuck with a constant moaning Myrtle.

If a friend feels like a therapist all the time, as you unburden your constant dramas upon them, they will soon feel emotionally drained, and no one wants to feel that. People want to feel uplifted by their friends, and people want to be around happy people because it makes them feel better.

Try and have a positive mental outlook, and before meeting people force yourself to think positively. Try writing a list of why a person would enjoy spending time with you, your best qualities and try and emphasize and re-affirm them to yourself. You'll feel more confident and more at ease and people will respond more encouragingly towards you.

Gratitude is also a proven way to help you feel happier, being thankful, you can also send messages of thanks to friends and as long as it doesn't come across as creepy, it can help them feel appreciated, valued and can solidify the relationship.

I'm nice, friendly and good fun why am I lonely?

You think you are a good friend, you're fun to be around, you're a good listener, you're outgoing but still you feel lonelier than a lighthouse keeper on lonely island.

Well it could be because you are surrounded by boring fuckers, a much worse fate.

The fault may fall very much at their feet. They may have settled and are quite content seeing out their days watching Netflix. Or they are always busy, visiting his inlaws, or her in laws, or her grandma or his half cousin twice removed's dog.

Cut them loose. Don't let your social life be left to the mercy of Captain Boring and his wife Tilda Tedious. If you spend the week arranging something and then they cancel on the Friday night, because their Iguana's got a cold, and you're then left wallowing in your house all evening because you can't face going on your own, don't.

Go out anyway, do not be afraid to go out on your own. You never know who you might meet, or what might happen, it's exciting and liberating. You can go where you like, leave when you like, You have the freedom to shape the evening however you want.

If you are feeling in a rut with your social circles find new ones. Join a sport's club, or hobbies club, meet new people and learn new skills, bonus.

Go to a poetry or music night, and if you are brave enough get up on a stage and perform something, because you are advertising yourself to potential new friends and connections.

And if you meet people you like, try and encourage to meet again, casually invite them to another similar event or attend one and you may bump into them again. You will already have similar interests and that's a good basis for any future friendship.

If you feel like you don't have any interests, get some. Try new things, don't be trapped by confirmed ideas about yourself, the mind is a malleable thing, it may turn out you love to Salsa dance.

Just don't accept loneliness there are always options.

Quick tips

If you work on your own, try and find a shared office space, it's much better for your health and happiness to be surrounded by people, you don't even have to be friends just feeling like you're with a group of people will make you feel better.

Offer to cook for people, everyone eats, so you're already on to a winner. Cook someone a meal and they are likely to return the favour. Plus it will make you feel good, and you'll put in extra effort to make yourself a tasty meal.

Don't despair at being lonely, embrace it

Go on weekend breaks alone, You'll have more exciting adventures meet new people. If you go with others, it's unlikely you will talk to anyone else, and will be led by what they want to do. and holidaying on your own is a great time to reflect on your life and think, so embrace it.